Further to earlier notes on the endlessly intriguing author of The Dead Priest, curious readers may be interested to hear that Confessions, the short film based on the life of Ciambhal O’Droningham which premiered on an obscure Irish television channel last year, may yet be released on DVD, Video and/or Red-Ray-LowDef-DoublevisionSupremeDisk. The bad news is that, having seen said film, I cannot recommend it to anyone in possession of a sane and reasoning mind.
The positively insane, however, are welcome to track it down, when and if it finally appears. Should they do so, however, they are advised to take the storyline with several pinches – maybe even handfuls – of salt, taking care to heed the following corrections:
1. The film claims that O’Droningham’s father spent fourteen months as a baker’s apprentice. In fact, he spent only eleven.
2. The film claims that ‘most cassocks contain at least nine inside pockets, in which are deposited a multitude of objects of relatively spurious necessity’. The truth is that the majority of monks carry no more than two objects of ‘relatively spurious necessity’ at any one time.
3. The film claims that O’Droningham created his protagonist, Seamus O’Solly, ‘in his own image’. The truth is that O’Solly is described as having a ‘forehead large enough for a family of squirrels to pitch a picnic rug’. O’Droningham’s forehead, meanwhile, is a quite unspectacular affair (I know – I have seen it).
On top of these three unbelievable errors there are a host of smaller inaccuracies, including the claim that O’Droningham’s mother was a prize-winning actress (she was a cleaner), that he had seven sisters (he had none) and that he had an encounter with aliens at the age of thirteen (he didn’t, though he sometimes dates his first sexual experience to this period in his ever-irregular life).